He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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