"it" just moved
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
