hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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