Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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