I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
