ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
