If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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