Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
