So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
