i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
