does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
