i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
