For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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