we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
