if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
