have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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