omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
