get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just pee around me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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