theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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