Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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