Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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