somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hungover. No words. Just memes.