Ambien. No doubt about it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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