i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
