wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
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On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.