i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
