He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
