You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I skipped work to stalk him.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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