last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I fill condoms, not promises.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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