some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
