Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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