everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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