Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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