forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
