How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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