currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm always down for nudity.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
