you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
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That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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