Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
