I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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