yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just gargled with NyQuil
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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