also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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