So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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