so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
