The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
