honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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