i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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