Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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