So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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