idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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