I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
