If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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