i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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