i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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