Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
