Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
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Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize