Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
