So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
