what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize