So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize