you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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