Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
