Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
