I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
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I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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