he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This is the high leading the old right now
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
