I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize