We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
