Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
