So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
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I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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