dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
