need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
