Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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